2019 has been a hard year for me and I don’t know if I feel relieved to say goodbye because I still have a lot of things that are unfinished. Isn't there some cliche quote that says something leaving everything that happened in that year and I can’t do that. I’ve been through so much as a person and I’m ready for a fresh start.
It’s hard trying to convince myself to push forward when I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place. I lost my drive and motivation but “let’s leave issues in 2019” doesn’t solve anything. All I can do is take it one day at at time and fix the problems that held me back. I can already tell that this is not going to be an easy road to go down but, what choice do I have? I hate feeling this way. It's my fault, I didn't fight hard enough for my dreams and I played it safe. MY FAULT. This is my life and I'm not living it, I'm letting pain and procrastination stop me from succeeding and it sucks.
What's my plan? That's the question that I'm asking myself right now. How do I stop being my biggest roadblock? well, considering it's the last day of the year...MY plan is to breathe nothing is worth stressing over. There are going to be days that I don't feel like doing anything or when I'm in too much pain but, I'm dealing with it.
So I wrote a letter addressed to the year that tested my endurance and belief in myself. THIS IS GOODBYE.
I’ve learned a lot from you. I’ve learned a lot from the 365 days of pushing myself and feeling drained from not reaching a goal and just feeling overwhelmed with the thought of letting myself fail and the result is that I did fail. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve come to accept that I’m not superhuman. I can’t be like everyone else because I’m not and that’s enough for me or so I've learned. I also learned that I am valuable and worthy, I find myself stumbling and unfocused but I’ve learned to let my mind relax. Sounds easy...planning to manage my pain was easy actually doing it that’s the hard part.
Thank you for all the ups and downs, it truly shaped me into a better person as cliche as it sounds. This year was difficult — not a surprise but it ended on a happy note and I’m looking forward to 2020.