I thought I was happy with the way things were going with the blog and truly I am I am blessed and I am super proud of how far I’ve come. I’ve been wrapping my brain around the fact that things are starting to work out for me but, then there’s part of my life that just goes against everything like my pain. I’ve been dealing with this for 5 to 6 years and it’s only gotten worse since my surgery June 22, 2017. I'm trying everything I can to eliminate severe pain but I’m coming up short I have recently found aromatherapy to be one of the things that is most helpful it’s mainly keep me relaxed and for a short amount of time it’s bearable. Some days I admit I can be lazy and don’t want to do the blog partially I would say that’s like 52% of the time but when I'm motivated I am 100% there and I’m dedicated to working on my craft and building something that’s more than just a hobby... maybe.
The fact that I am in a constant state of severe pain and it’s messing with all my goals and made me think I can’t necessarily do all the things that I used to do or on things that I want to do. I’m just really hoping that one of these things will work out so that I can get back into posting as much as possible— not letting the world pass me by. Also one of my biggest hurdles inspired by pain is the fact that I can’t finish school because my mind is constantly worried about how much it hurt or how long it will last and frankly I’m annoyed because lately that’s all my life has been about. I want to be worthy of something people actually enjoy reading I want people to understand how my life has been because I never necessarily thought about it I didn’t care to tell people about it when I made friends…it was me telling them that I was born in a little conversation and that’s what it was end of the story. I would tell them that I am born disabled like I have Cerebral palsy I need to be in the wheelchair for the rest my life but once again it’s just Chyna that’s me. I’m so excited for future journeys and journeys now. This blog makes me want to continue to reach my goals.
Why I feel like such a failure?
Enter self pity party. I have been so close to achieving my dreams and so close to accomplishing goals not necessarily on the blogging aspect but on the school front as well but because of pain and because of all the bad days from like the 14 type pain.I have been so down about doing school because I know then that means I have to prepare my body for such a time consuming and really just harsh way to stop the pain.
Putting my mental priorities first?
Sometimes my body is screaming for me to take a break do this or do that and that’s when the 14 type of pain kicks in. I want to finish school— I’ve set a goal, it’s just the follow through I’m worried about me pushing it back more and more because of the things that I have to go through just to manage my pain. I really need to STOP letting it run my life (any tips? Please put them in the comments)
I’m a tough girl and I tell my truth because that’s what this blog entails I don’t sugarcoat how my life is just so people can get a dumb down version of how it is. I get the hard harsh truth of it. I want to tell people as harsh as it is and that this is how I’m living it. Although, I have my bad days I do have good days and those are the days where I can physically prepare myself for a long journey and maybe at the end of the day I can say I did something.
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